The Elusive Tour Of Hermann

Last years TOH was quite a challenge.  I knew it was exactly what I needed as prep for the Dirty Kanza 200.  I was only available to make Saturday but gave it hell.  I learned a lot and vowed to come back in 2014. As luck would have it...  I played a FB game and won an entire weekend entry into the Tour of Hermann.  It was unfortunate that the Saturday date conflicted with a 1.2 mile run my daughter was doing to celebrate six months of doing the Read, Right and Run.  I wasn't going to miss that so I only signed up for Sunday.

Turns out my brother received a kitchen pass for the day and would be joining us.  Jim loaded his FAT bike, put my Kona on the roof, which made me very nervous, and we were off.  I can't believe I am only 1 hour away from Hermann.  Approximately 66 miles via the Katy Trail. My husband and I rode from our house one day, slept on picnic tables and headed back home the next day.  I will never forget that day as we were caught in a torrential downpour and had to take shelter by climbing the  rocks and hiding in the trees. 

Since last years TOH did not go down as planned I hoped to redeeem myself and do better this time.  I don't put a lot of pressure on myself for this race because its still so early in the game. I use this ride as a learning process to figure out what works and what doesn't.  The hills are challenging, the gravel is tough and quite comparable to Dirty Kanza.  I would almost say TOH is harder but I have yet to complete all five stages.  Maybe 2015 will work out.  This gravel ride will help me to figure out how to carry water, gauge about how much I will need, what works for nutrition, and see how my bike is rolling.

My bike was in tip top shape and Ifelt I had everything I needed.  Let's get this party started!  The weather was a bit chilly, I opted for pants and a thin underarmour under my jersey.  Gloves for sure.  Whatever, I don't enjoy being cold.  My plan was to complete both loops, approximately 103 miles. I had to be in by 2:30pm in order to start the next loop. My goal for the first loop was 4 hours.  I am familiar with the hills, I will walk them if necessary especially early in the day.

Aaro!

We bombed down the steep hill at Stone Hill Winery at promptly 9 am.  Save for one very rude driver we all safely made it out of town for the 15 miles of FLAT Katy.  I picked a group of about ten to hang with,  I didn't know any of them at first and then realized I was FB friends with a few.  We all stuck together for the most part, which was difficult stopping and going through all those gates and crossing the street. Around mile 20 all that changed and the group broke up in to many small groups.  I spent the next ten miles alone, losing myself in the beautiful scenery and enjoying the day.  While I make everything sound dandy... nothing could be further from the truth.

 I was not having a good day, quite the opposite.  I was having an awful day.  My legs felt strong. My mind felt strong. What was arong you ask?  My belly was not happy. My "mental" threw out threats and hoped the belly would just harden the fuck up. The cramps weren't so bad, I could deal with them. It was the fact that every time I stood up to climb or exerted force I felt like my uterus was going to fall out, or I was going to shit myself.  I have never felt this way before. I had no idea what to do for it. Mild gut cramps and feeling like all my guts were going to fall out made for an interesting ride on gravel.   I was alright if I just stayed seated and pedaled. This was going to be a long day.

Dan Singer Photography

I wish I could have just thrown up and been done with it.  It's much easier to puke and keep riding than it is to undress and squat.  It's not like there were a lot of potty opportunities along the route.  Sometimes it just doesn't matter if the situation is ideal or not, this was one of them.
 It wasn't going to happen and that is when 'smart' took over.  I definitely did not want to be known as the chick who shit herself.  But there are some things you just can't overcome.  I was having severe belly issues, the cramps weren't so bad, it was the fact that every time I stood up to climb or exert some force I felt like my uterus was going to fall out or I was going to shit myself. I have never felt this way before.

  Around mile 30 I had to stop, drop and go. I couldn't hold it anymore, hell why would I?  I was a little disappointed because I was moving at a descent pace and stopping was going to throw that off, but maybe I would feel better. I spun my head in all directions and saw no one. It wouldn't have mattered if I did. This was going to happen.  I knew I had to get out of my clothing quick.  I had to get through long pants, next my jersey, and then my bibs, that's a lot of clothing to deal with when you feel like you are going to explode from the inside out. Timing is crucial and can greatly affect the rest of your day. I didn't want to get caught or end up covered in poo either. I siezed the moment,  hopped behind some sparse trees looked for leaves and hoped for the best.  The gravel gods smiled on me and I was not caught and did not end up in a messy situation.  Note to self...always carry baby wipes in a baggie. I resumed my spot upon my saddle and motored on.  I drank my Ignition and munched on a nugget of a Payday bar. Fuck, I did not feel good. Correction, my belly didn't feel good.

Dan Singer Photography

  I didn't know what was going on.  My legs felt strong and my mind was telling my body to Fuck off like usual.  Only this time I wasn't coming around.  Around mile 40 a gold colored Audi passed by me so fast and so close I felt it whoosh right by me.  I could feel the wind and the hairs on the back of my neck went straight up.  WTF? Was that really necessary?  It startled me since there were no other cars around and I was over as far as I could, there was no shoulder.  I watched as the car gunned its motor further and raced to the top of the hill as another woman cyclist climbed.  It sped straight for her and at the last moment veered away.  I came close to throwing up in my mouth.  What the hell was that for, what did that prove?  About five miles later, just on the outskirts of town I had one last altercation.  I was pedaling alone and looked up to see a red truck crossing the highway yellow lines and heading straight for me. There was really nowhere for me to go as I started processing my fate. Could he see the fear in my eyes?  I have kids, a husband, people who love me and here is some douchebag I've never seen before who can take my life away in an instant. The young man laughed as he jumped back over the line a short distance ahead of me. Ridiculous! Fucking ridiculous!  I was old enough to have been his mother.

 I take a big sigh of relief as I rolled back on to the safety of the Katy trail.  As I head back to Hermann, I take the LONG way back because I follow someone else who didn't look at the map, I totally deserve the extra miles. As I climb the hill into the Winery I hear the most familiar yell... GO biscuit!!  What? Jim is there?  Turns out he flatted out around 20 miles, lucked into landing near a bar, at opening time!! and started drinking. The bartender let him flip the OPEN switch.  I crossed the line around 4:15, just shy of goal time. ( official time 4:18)

I told Jim of my crappy issue and he popped two Pepto Bismol tablets into my mouth and told me to harden the fuck up. Thanks babe.  Then I french kissed a dinosaur and was off.  Yea, it's all kind of a blur.  Especially the dinosaur thing, but here are pics so it did happen.

The gravel seemed a bit thicker and I had to pedal like I meant it. The wind had been making itself known all day but wasn't too crazy.  As I climbed the first hill I prayed the Pepto would kick in at any time.  It never did.  My "mental" brought up the fact that I did not want to be remembered as the girl who finished and was also covered in shit.  Good point! I made it about an hour and called in to be picked up.  The feeling just would not pass.  I could not take 40 more miles, maybe ten or twenty but definitely not forty  I was saved by Dennis, who also picked up my husband.

Thanks for the rescue Dennis

Taking the ride back was smart in many ways.  This second loop was harder than the first, the hills were longer and steeper.  Even though I left early enough to finish in daylight there was no guarantee how I was feeling. Coming in early meant I got to see the hardcore gravel guys finish.  Plus I got to hang out with some fabulous peeps.

Mickey rode ALL FIVE loops!

My brother fared very well and finished both loops.

Even had a wheelie, showoff. 

SPECIAL THANKS to Jeff Yielding for putting on a stellar event, Dan Singer for taking your awesome photos, and Aaro for sharing your toys, especially the dinosaur.  Until next year.... 

Angela And The Land Run 100

The following is a story written by my good friend Angela who rides gravel and loves it.  She lives in Emporia Kansas, home of THE Dirty Kanza 200.  She recently participated in the Land 100 in Stillwater Oklahoma and here is her account.....

Looks fun huh?

I don’t normally do races out of town; I am about having fun riding my bike kind of

girl. I thought it would be good training to do this 107 mile race which turned out

to be 109 for me.

I went down with my friend Shane and Emmy. Emmy was our sag in case we needed

a ride back at the sag. We got to Stillwater after many eating stops for Shane. Ha!

I don’t know where he puts all the food I only wish I could get by with it. We went

to District Bike Shop to check it out. We had a good time seeing so many people

and so many Emporia people. I had heard there were about 20 Emporia people

coming to the race. It was time to check in and more and more people were getting

to town. Bobby Wintle gave us his warm welcome and was excited to see everyone.

Little did I know what the hills were like. I was told that there was nothing worse

than hill D in the DK 200. Wow; someone didn’t tell me the truth. (Shane Heiman)!

We went back to the hotel and got checked in and it was full of bikes. It was

fun to see what everyone was riding. We went to dinner and after we returned I

was ready to get everything prepared. The others went out that evening (I’m old

enough to be their Mom’s) but I was perfectly happy making sure all my bottles and

everything was lined out for Saturday.




It’s time to ride! Bikes loaded everyone in the street. It was a little chilly that

morning and if you know me I come prepared. I hate being cold. It was suppose to

rain that afternoon. I believe it was 40 % then the next hour 50% all the way up

to 100%. It didn’t look good for me. Now the fast people they probably would be

ok but I knew I was going to get wet. So as a prepared person I had a rain jacket

packed in my camelbak. I didn’t want to be cold and wet out there waiting for a

ride. The race took off and they were fast I was about ¾ of the way back. I am not

fast but I have endurance. I was next to several of my friends. Steve Wiser was

there and we got a chuckle out of his matching kit. Ryan Dudley was next to me and

the poor guy forgot all his warm clothes. He was freezing and even admitted he

lost the feelings in his fingers. I offered a jacket but he said he was ok.

After we left town we thought we saw a big fog cloud but it wasn’t, it was when

all the riders hit the gravel it was a big dust cloud. It was now on and time to get

serious. I was having trouble with my clips and the first big hill my foot slipped out

and I lost all my power. I had to walk up the hill. Everyone was so nice and asked if

I was ok. I was just going to have to be ready for it the next 100 miles. At the top

of the hill was Jim Belford and he was kind of enough to check on me. He saw me

at the bike shop working on my shoes before we left Emporia. If you have been to

Emporia you have to visit High Gear, the best bike shop around with the best group

of people! I let him know I was ok when he heard me say, “already Bobby”! That’s

right Bobby Thompson already had his first flat at mile 5. Jim asked if he was ok

and we went on. I caught back up to Ryan when his phone rang at mile 15 I said I

would meet him at the top of the hill. Ryan told me it was his wife Denise. I said

what is she doing calling you in the middle of the race? Ryan told me he had been

checked out by an ambulance 2 nights before for high blood pressure. I was then

very worried about my friend. My race mind changed and decided to ride with Ryan.

At least I knew what was going on with him if something happened. Ryan is a friend

of mine and from that point it wasn’t about finishing fast it was about staying with

my friend and making sure he was ok. If the table was turned I know he would do

the same for me. That is what kind of person Ryan is. At the top of one hill Ryan

said be careful of this hill, (I thought what are you talking about?) no one told me

about the scariest hill I have ever seen in my life!!! Well I rode down it and kept

saying this sucks. I had my right break on as tight as I could get it. I then said to

myself I hope the left break works because I have never tried it before. At one

point I was sliding sideways. I was still going over 13 mph and I didn’t want to go

that fast on all that loose stuff. They guy at the bottom of the hill was laughing.

When I looked over to my left it wasn’t Ryan I was talking to all the way down the

hill. The guy said to me I agree that sucked! Ryan and I got a good chuckle out of

that.

 Ryan was having leg cramp issues. I was the cheerleader and kept cheering him on.

I feed him some of my Shot blocks with salt trying to help. We picked up another

rider from Stillwater who was doing his first century. We thought the check point

was at mile 54. Ryan pulled over at mile 53 and said to go on he was looking for a

tree. I rode on and there wasn’t a town in sight. I ran into Keith Reed several times

that day. He is like the Welcome committee at Stillwater. He was taking pictures

and having a great time. He told me the town was just over the hill. Well there was

a town but over the next 5 miles of hills. We laughed and I was thankful when the

check point came at mile 59.

I pulled in and got my map and they were cheering at the check point. I thought

that was funny. I couldn’t see very well because it was misting and a truck went by

me then my glasses were muddy so for about 4 miles before the check point my

vision wasn’t very good. I saw Emmy and said I was going to the gas station to get

water. Gary Sadowski and his daughter were there. They offered me some water

and were kind enough to fill my bottles. I ate a Snickers because I might have been

turning into a Diva. I was there for about 5-8 minutes. I can’t stop long and sit

down or I am done. I’m also not fast enough to take a long break. Ryan decided to

take a long break so I went on.




I rolled out about 1:30. I had only ridden about 5 miles when I saw a guy having

issues with his tire and tube. I asked if I could help and he said only if you can

patch my tire. I said I sure can I carry a purse on my back and have everything a

girl needs I pulled out a rubber boot and he was happy. Didn’t get his name but he

was from Springfield, Missouri. I never saw him again that day, I hope he finished.

Well it wasn’t long before the dreaded leg cramps showed up. I was walking up a hill

and a jeep pulled up. That jeep crew was everywhere and so friendly. They thought

I needed a ride and I told them no. I normally carry pickle juice with me which I

despise!!! Note to self I need to carry it at all times. Came upon a town I think, I

never saw anyone but a guy walking towards me. I was once again walking because

of the leg cramps. It was Jim who was part of the race. He told me about a change

in the road markers and I rode off again. Then at about mile 90 ish there was a

tent serving drinks and candy bars out in the middle of nowhere. I got a drink with

electrolytes to help with leg cramps and I was off again. Jim informed me you

got this not much further and you can do it. I have now discovered that Jim was

probably laughing on the inside because there were more and more hills to come

and they were hard. At mile 95 there was a row of port a potties. I was so excited!

I looked through 5 of them until I found one with toilet paper. It took me a while

because I was stomping one foot in there to make sure there was no mice, snakes

or spiders, finally it was safe to go in. Keith Reed pulled up on the road when I was

going in. I figured he was taking pictures of my bike outside the port potties and

laughing. I later learned they were saying how long I was taking. They didn’t know I

was checking for critters and had many layers on.


Mile 99 I get a text from my friend Troy Ochs, it said, “Are you ok”? I knew he

would be worried about me so I pulled over to text him back. I can’t see without my

glasses so I put on my dollar pair I carry on my bike. Since I was stopped I decided

to take a picture of the hills coming up. They were not stopping. My text was short

and sweet and said mile 99. Troy is a very kind person who would do anything for

you. He told everyone where I was at so they were expecting me. I pulled into town

and pulled out my map. A nice person from Stillwater told me to go 2 stop lights

up and take a left. That is when I saw the markings on the road. Then the guys

from the tent drove past me all excited and said I was almost there. I then had

to pull out my map again because there was a lot of traffic so I couldn’t see the

marking on the road. I was at the corner of Duck street, my cue sheet said to turn

on Duck street. That is when I saw the marking and I was just a few blocks from

the finish line. I made another turn and that is when I saw the finish line.




 Here is the best part of the day, everyone was screaming and so excited to see me you

would have thought I was the winner. I was smiling ear to ear and was so glad to be

back in town. What a great welcome for a slow but steady rider.




 Now those were the toughest hills I have ever seen in my life! I didn’t blast down the hills because

at the bottom was sand and I was fish tailing in them. I have a rule that I don’t like

to break. I don’t go down hills over 25 mph because I believe at my age I can break

something or bleed very badly. I did break my rule and hit 33 mph one time. It took

me longer then I had hopped but it is all about finishing it. I can say I did it. I was

scared to death but I DID IT!!!



 On a good note, Ryan has been checked out and no

more high blood pressure one might think he remembered the hills from last year

and that spiked his blood pressure!

Photos courtesy of 241 Photography, Troy Ochs and myself.


Congrats Angela!  Thanks for sharing your story. See you at the end of May!

My Husbands Mistress

This has been going on for months.  All he does is talk about her.  All the things he is going to buy her.  Oh the places they will go together, the sights they will see.  The two of them will be spending a lot of time together and will see more than their fair share of sunsets and sunrises, that will entail sleepovers.  As her accessories began to roll in, box after box of specially hand picked items, with a "nothing is too good for you" attitude.  Sparing no expense was the way to go with this one. She is something special. It's only $$.

Things became real just last night.  He brought her home so I could meet her.  I have to say I approve as she happily gave me a short ride.  It was easily seen that Jim was very pleased with himself.  He had hand picked this beauty.  She had everything he wanted and everything she needed to fulfill his wildest desires.  The look in his eyes was unmistakable.  She was going to be devoured TODAY, right now in fact.  So, as any good wife should... I backed away.  I turned my head and walked away, retreating back into the house.  I knew I couldn't compete with that so I let him go.

Jim quickly changed clothing, packed a backpack with fuel, fun and other necessities and they left together.  I asked him how long he would be.  He said a few hours.  Yeah right.  I knew better.  He would be gone at least six, I always double what he answers.  His past girls have taught me to do that.  Give it time, let it run it's course.  Another one will be along soon.  However, this one has me worried.  This may be THE ONE! I have never seen this look in his eyes before nor the shit eating grin on his face.  Was I getting jealous?

Just as predicted the mister was gone about eight hours.  He did check in although it was quick and seemed somewhat awkward.  He introduced her to his friends and they all had a beer together.  How nice.  Both of his jerk friends gave her the thumbs up, complimented her seat, and mentioned they would like to take her for a ride too.

Jim came inside beaming and braggin'.  He left her just a tad dirty, didn't even wipe her off.  Not my place to say anything, fellas feel free to chime in.

38.5 miles maiden voyage

This morning I got to re-hear how awesome she is. Hell, within minutes of waking he casually mentions "I may go out with her again today", and then he runs off to say good morning to her. This will be an ongoing saga for sure.

Dirty Jane Welcomes Spring With a Sweet Deal

****Edited to add promo code

Just sayin'

Mother Nature has been quite a bitch and seems to have a death grip on winter. Now that it is March she is continuing top play with us and give us two nice riding days and then some crazy cold bullshit. The cycle has repeated it self several times in the past three weeks.  M. Nature has  introduced me to the coldest temps and impressive winds I have ever witnessed. Flexing her weather muscles, we are so at her mercy.  We would have a nice normal uneventful day followed by snow and ice and schools closed.  Way to go bitch, you served up a helluva winter.

We here at Dirty Jane would like to celebrate getting your ass off the couch and back on your bike where it belongs.  We have a super sweet deal to offer and we want you to take full advantage of it.  Dirty Jane is offering their signature PURPLE DirtyJane.com 3/4 th sleeve jersey by Royal Racing.  I did a review on  the white jersey and can attest to it's worthiness.  Read here.  I am currently awaiting delivery of my purple jersey and can't wait to rock it.

You can show the world you are a Dirty Jane too buy purchasing your own jersey.  For a limited time we are offering our regularly $45 priced jersey for $38! USE PROMO CODE FWinter. Offer is valid until April 15 2014.  After you receive your jersey send us a shot, post it to our FaceBook page and tag Dirty Jane so we see it. Then we will provide you with a discount for 15% off some more Dirty Jane goodies.

How can you not take advantage of this?  Fellas all you need to know is your gals shirt size and you could surprise her with one.  Purple is the new pink, it's an awesome shade coupled with black and some sweet detailing down the side.  She will love the 3/4th sleeve and the relaxed fit that frees her up to ride comfortably.

APPLICATIONS are still being accepted if you want to be a part of the Dirty Jane crew until March 31st.  You can find all that info here.  Good Luck!

So, You Have Been Asked To Crew For An Endurance Racer....

 To be successful in long races one must have an awesome, kick ass support crew.  Meet Emma, volunteer extradorinaire and all around magnificent person.  She has been to two Dirty Kanza's as my support, both were successful finishes that I could not have done without her. Before you ask...SHE IS MINE, back off.  Of course I am bringing her to DK2014!  I  asked her to write this article to give you an idea of what it takes to be an excellent support person and how you, the rider, can make things better/easier for your support folks.
Emma has let me know she will happily provide answers to any questions in a follow-up blog, don't be shy, ask away.  Leave it in the comment section below.

Emma -total badass

When I was approached to write a blog post on how to be an effective, efficient ground crew, I wasn’t quite sure how to go about it. I have crewed for several different people and events over the last few years, each with their own trials and logistics issues. I have crewed at the Dirty Kanza, the OGRE, the MR340, and have staffed several wilderness checkpoints for adventure races. I was on my way out of the country for a couple of weeks, to volunteer for an expedition adventure race in Belize with my team Orange Lederhosen, and didn’t know exactly what facilities I’d have access too. After much thinking, and much more rum, I decided to approach this as I would anything else, with great organization and planning. Coincidentally, that is the cornerstone of being a good crew. The organization, not the rum. But the rum does help…

The first thing you need to know to be a great crew is Communication. Say it with me, COM-MUN-I-CA-TION. Without it, you won’t make it out of the damn parking lot. I started with phone calls and emails shortly after registration to see about the riders goals and intentions. As I usually crew for 3-5 riders, I need to make sure that from the get-go all of the riders have similar expectations on time and pace. If I am unable to accommodate their goals, I am honest and tell them that they are better off getting a crew that can help them reach their goal. I continue to keep in touch with the riders to see how the training is going and to let them know how the others I am assisting are doing as well. If at anytime anything changes, I am first to communicate how that will affect the others and myself. This is an ongoing process.

Use large totes to stay organized

Second thing is organization. The first thing I tell my riders as they are loading my truck for the race/ride is if at any time any of their things ends up loose in my truck, I cannot guarantee the safety of that item. I have really pissed off a few folks with that, but I am not their mama. I am there to make sure they ride the best race they can, not to wipe asses and clean up messes. Each rider has a bin of their very own, labeled with their name for simplicity. In that bin, I expect there to be bags of food items/hydration mixes labeled with the TA they want that bag at, any clothing for mid-race changes (a mid-race chamois change cannot be understated for morale), and any other sundry items such as layers shed during the day as the temperature warms, unused food stuffs, and spare parts/tubes that have been used. I usually have a common items bin for all my riders to use that has a floor pump, chain lube, and a sprayer for cleaning off mud and crud. I also ask if they would like a chair to sit in at the TA, although that seems to slow the riders down and makes them laze around the TA longer than they should.

Third thing is water transport. Having so many riders to supply means having a lot of water to haul. I like to use the 5 gal orange gatorade style jugs with the push spigot for refilling bottles and bladders. I also carry between 5-10 gal of water in plastic jugs for refilling the big jug. I also put 1 bag of ice in in the morning, and one at the midway point, keeping the water cool, but not cold enough to upset stomachs in the heat of the day. Coolers with gatorade/hydration mixes, extra bladders that have been frozen, and an extra bag of ice are also good. I usually limit those to 1 cooler per 2 people. Space restrictions and all.

Fourth is the little things. Chamois butt’r, ice socks for jerseys, sunscreen, sandwiches, lip balm, and any other creature comforts the riders want. I’ve been known to slap, shake, grab ass, kiss, fondle and otherwise harass the riders to get them moving when they don’t want to go. I have also thrown things and turned into a bitch on wheels when I have been disrespected. I understand that things may not go your way, but I am not here to bear the brunt of your shortcomings in bike care or failure to train. If you get pissy with me, just remember it’s a looooong way out without any support. And I will drop your ass like a hot rock if you abuse me.

On the other hand, It isn’t all about what the crew can do for the rider. The rider has a responsibility to the crew as well. Be an effective communicator. Crew cannot read minds, contrary to popular belief. Don’t leave maintenance for the last minute. Stress is the enemy. If making a list for what you need ready at each transition area works for you, do it. It helps the crew also. Make sure your gear, be it bike, boat, pack, or bin, is together in a way that makes sense. Put your nutrition into bags and label them. Have a couple extra water bottles that they can pre-fill for you with water or gatorade type stuff so you don’t need to wait. If you want something at the first TA, don’t bury it in the bottom of the crate. Don’t have your shit thrown all over the place. If you complain that the crew is too slow trying to get something for you, while digging thru a box that looks like a landfill, it pretty much gives the crew a free punch to your junk, just because you are being an asshole.

Be excellent to your crew and they will be awesome to you. Remember, they are human too. They are out in the sun, heat, wind, rain, hail, and tornadoes just like you. They wait patiently, unknowing if you are ok or dead on course. They will drive like hell if you want a sandwich or some other small morale booster, and still make it to the next TA on time to set up and be ready for you to resupply. They are hauling water and food and bins all day, loading and unloading and reloading again. Just to keep you happy and on track for your goals. Remember their day will be just as long and difficult as yours. Respect them. Love them. But not too much, because then it will be awkward. And buy them a beer afterwards. They would do the same for you.

Love,
Emma