Skinny

My friend Nicole joined me for a run a couple weeks back.  We met at Lewis and Clark Trail-head, my favorite running trail.   The first words out of her mouth were " you look so skinny".  I said thanks, we chatted briefly and then began our run.  I would hear those words, over and over, while covering the miles.  She said skinny.  Did I really look skinny?  Was she just being nice?   Just yesterday, we met for a run, at the  same venue, and she said " you look even skinnier".  Seriously?  Damn, that's not the look I was shooting for.

Six years ago, I would have sold my soul  to hear that. I would have done anything to be skinny. So, why did those words irritate me so much today?  All girls like to hear they look skinny, don't they?  Well, this one doesn't.  Not anymore.  I don't want to be skinny. I don't even want to be thin.  However, I like the word  "lean".   Craig Siebert asked me once if I " was working on my lean".  Huh, that's one way to put it.

 I know she didn't say the word skinny to hurt me. As we ran, I voiced my problem with the word skinny.  I told her I wanted to give off  healthy and strong. Definitely not skinny.  We discussed how our perception of ourselves had changed over the last few years. It was totally different than in our 20's and 30's.  My perception had done a 180.   I did not have a weight problem until I was 30, sometime in 2000. It hit me really hard.    I thought that  I just needed to get skinny and skinny as quickly as possible. What I learned was, I really needed to be healthy. And, it wasn't going to happen quickly.   It is real funny how your mind changes when you let your mind change you.  Make sense?

  I changed my mind from being skinny to being healthy.  I recall dwelling on what the scale said.  The scale was not my friend. The scale informed me if I was having a skinny day or a fat day.The scale set my tone for the day. My attitude was set by the number glaring back at me.  However, the scale never told me how healthy I was.  I am not a quitter, but  I quit the scale. I began caring more about how I felt.  I was no longer going to chase skinny. No longer chasing a number.  I was going after something bigger.  My health. Changing my mind set me free.  Free of the nasty scale.  Free to discover and eat healthy foods. Free to reeducate myself.  And the freedom to concentrate on a healthy lifestyle.  Once I freed myself the weight dropped off.

Once I let the idea of skinny go, it opened me up to being happy.  Happy with myself. Happy with my body. Happy with my life. Happy with the positive direction I had taken.  Health and happiness go hand in hand. Don't you agree?