Saturday, March 29, 2014

My Husbands Mistress

This has been going on for months.  All he does is talk about her.  All the things he is going to buy her.  Oh the places they will go together, the sights they will see.  The two of them will be spending a lot of time together and will see more than their fair share of sunsets and sunrises, that will entail sleepovers.  As her accessories began to roll in, box after box of specially hand picked items, with a "nothing is too good for you" attitude.  Sparing no expense was the way to go with this one. She is something special. It's only $$.

Things became real just last night.  He brought her home so I could meet her.  I have to say I approve as she happily gave me a short ride.  It was easily seen that Jim was very pleased with himself.  He had hand picked this beauty.  She had everything he wanted and everything she needed to fulfill his wildest desires.  The look in his eyes was unmistakable.  She was going to be devoured TODAY, right now in fact.  So, as any good wife should... I backed away.  I turned my head and walked away, retreating back into the house.  I knew I couldn't compete with that so I let him go.

Jim quickly changed clothing, packed a backpack with fuel, fun and other necessities and they left together.  I asked him how long he would be.  He said a few hours.  Yeah right.  I knew better.  He would be gone at least six, I always double what he answers.  His past girls have taught me to do that.  Give it time, let it run it's course.  Another one will be along soon.  However, this one has me worried.  This may be THE ONE! I have never seen this look in his eyes before nor the shit eating grin on his face.  Was I getting jealous?

Just as predicted the mister was gone about eight hours.  He did check in although it was quick and seemed somewhat awkward.  He introduced her to his friends and they all had a beer together.  How nice.  Both of his jerk friends gave her the thumbs up, complimented her seat, and mentioned they would like to take her for a ride too.

Jim came inside beaming and braggin'.  He left her just a tad dirty, didn't even wipe her off.  Not my place to say anything, fellas feel free to chime in.

38.5 miles maiden voyage

This morning I got to re-hear how awesome she is. Hell, within minutes of waking he casually mentions "I may go out with her again today", and then he runs off to say good morning to her. This will be an ongoing saga for sure.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Dirty Jane Welcomes Spring With a Sweet Deal

****Edited to add promo code

Just sayin'

Mother Nature has been quite a bitch and seems to have a death grip on winter. Now that it is March she is continuing top play with us and give us two nice riding days and then some crazy cold bullshit. The cycle has repeated it self several times in the past three weeks.  M. Nature has  introduced me to the coldest temps and impressive winds I have ever witnessed. Flexing her weather muscles, we are so at her mercy.  We would have a nice normal uneventful day followed by snow and ice and schools closed.  Way to go bitch, you served up a helluva winter.

We here at Dirty Jane would like to celebrate getting your ass off the couch and back on your bike where it belongs.  We have a super sweet deal to offer and we want you to take full advantage of it.  Dirty Jane is offering their signature PURPLE 3/4 th sleeve jersey by Royal Racing.  I did a review on  the white jersey and can attest to it's worthiness.  Read here.  I am currently awaiting delivery of my purple jersey and can't wait to rock it.

You can show the world you are a Dirty Jane too buy purchasing your own jersey.  For a limited time we are offering our regularly $45 priced jersey for $38! USE PROMO CODE FWinter. Offer is valid until April 15 2014.  After you receive your jersey send us a shot, post it to our FaceBook page and tag Dirty Jane so we see it. Then we will provide you with a discount for 15% off some more Dirty Jane goodies.

How can you not take advantage of this?  Fellas all you need to know is your gals shirt size and you could surprise her with one.  Purple is the new pink, it's an awesome shade coupled with black and some sweet detailing down the side.  She will love the 3/4th sleeve and the relaxed fit that frees her up to ride comfortably.

APPLICATIONS are still being accepted if you want to be a part of the Dirty Jane crew until March 31st.  You can find all that info here.  Good Luck!

Thursday, March 13, 2014

So, You Have Been Asked To Crew For An Endurance Racer....

 To be successful in long races one must have an awesome, kick ass support crew.  Meet Emma, volunteer extradorinaire and all around magnificent person.  She has been to two Dirty Kanza's as my support, both were successful finishes that I could not have done without her. Before you ask...SHE IS MINE, back off.  Of course I am bringing her to DK2014!  I  asked her to write this article to give you an idea of what it takes to be an excellent support person and how you, the rider, can make things better/easier for your support folks.
Emma has let me know she will happily provide answers to any questions in a follow-up blog, don't be shy, ask away.  Leave it in the comment section below.

Emma -total badass

When I was approached to write a blog post on how to be an effective, efficient ground crew, I wasn’t quite sure how to go about it. I have crewed for several different people and events over the last few years, each with their own trials and logistics issues. I have crewed at the Dirty Kanza, the OGRE, the MR340, and have staffed several wilderness checkpoints for adventure races. I was on my way out of the country for a couple of weeks, to volunteer for an expedition adventure race in Belize with my team Orange Lederhosen, and didn’t know exactly what facilities I’d have access too. After much thinking, and much more rum, I decided to approach this as I would anything else, with great organization and planning. Coincidentally, that is the cornerstone of being a good crew. The organization, not the rum. But the rum does help…

The first thing you need to know to be a great crew is Communication. Say it with me, COM-MUN-I-CA-TION. Without it, you won’t make it out of the damn parking lot. I started with phone calls and emails shortly after registration to see about the riders goals and intentions. As I usually crew for 3-5 riders, I need to make sure that from the get-go all of the riders have similar expectations on time and pace. If I am unable to accommodate their goals, I am honest and tell them that they are better off getting a crew that can help them reach their goal. I continue to keep in touch with the riders to see how the training is going and to let them know how the others I am assisting are doing as well. If at anytime anything changes, I am first to communicate how that will affect the others and myself. This is an ongoing process.

Use large totes to stay organized

Second thing is organization. The first thing I tell my riders as they are loading my truck for the race/ride is if at any time any of their things ends up loose in my truck, I cannot guarantee the safety of that item. I have really pissed off a few folks with that, but I am not their mama. I am there to make sure they ride the best race they can, not to wipe asses and clean up messes. Each rider has a bin of their very own, labeled with their name for simplicity. In that bin, I expect there to be bags of food items/hydration mixes labeled with the TA they want that bag at, any clothing for mid-race changes (a mid-race chamois change cannot be understated for morale), and any other sundry items such as layers shed during the day as the temperature warms, unused food stuffs, and spare parts/tubes that have been used. I usually have a common items bin for all my riders to use that has a floor pump, chain lube, and a sprayer for cleaning off mud and crud. I also ask if they would like a chair to sit in at the TA, although that seems to slow the riders down and makes them laze around the TA longer than they should.

Third thing is water transport. Having so many riders to supply means having a lot of water to haul. I like to use the 5 gal orange gatorade style jugs with the push spigot for refilling bottles and bladders. I also carry between 5-10 gal of water in plastic jugs for refilling the big jug. I also put 1 bag of ice in in the morning, and one at the midway point, keeping the water cool, but not cold enough to upset stomachs in the heat of the day. Coolers with gatorade/hydration mixes, extra bladders that have been frozen, and an extra bag of ice are also good. I usually limit those to 1 cooler per 2 people. Space restrictions and all.

Fourth is the little things. Chamois butt’r, ice socks for jerseys, sunscreen, sandwiches, lip balm, and any other creature comforts the riders want. I’ve been known to slap, shake, grab ass, kiss, fondle and otherwise harass the riders to get them moving when they don’t want to go. I have also thrown things and turned into a bitch on wheels when I have been disrespected. I understand that things may not go your way, but I am not here to bear the brunt of your shortcomings in bike care or failure to train. If you get pissy with me, just remember it’s a looooong way out without any support. And I will drop your ass like a hot rock if you abuse me.

On the other hand, It isn’t all about what the crew can do for the rider. The rider has a responsibility to the crew as well. Be an effective communicator. Crew cannot read minds, contrary to popular belief. Don’t leave maintenance for the last minute. Stress is the enemy. If making a list for what you need ready at each transition area works for you, do it. It helps the crew also. Make sure your gear, be it bike, boat, pack, or bin, is together in a way that makes sense. Put your nutrition into bags and label them. Have a couple extra water bottles that they can pre-fill for you with water or gatorade type stuff so you don’t need to wait. If you want something at the first TA, don’t bury it in the bottom of the crate. Don’t have your shit thrown all over the place. If you complain that the crew is too slow trying to get something for you, while digging thru a box that looks like a landfill, it pretty much gives the crew a free punch to your junk, just because you are being an asshole.

Be excellent to your crew and they will be awesome to you. Remember, they are human too. They are out in the sun, heat, wind, rain, hail, and tornadoes just like you. They wait patiently, unknowing if you are ok or dead on course. They will drive like hell if you want a sandwich or some other small morale booster, and still make it to the next TA on time to set up and be ready for you to resupply. They are hauling water and food and bins all day, loading and unloading and reloading again. Just to keep you happy and on track for your goals. Remember their day will be just as long and difficult as yours. Respect them. Love them. But not too much, because then it will be awkward. And buy them a beer afterwards. They would do the same for you.