Thursday, October 13, 2011

Buckle Blues

I have been working on my Burnin' race report the last couple days. The writing has not gone very well. It's not that I don't want to write it, because I do.  I have been dealing with the "aftermath" and it hasn't been pretty. I don't understand the way I feel right now.  I have been riding an emotional roller-coaster all week.  After I am done writing this I hope to get off the coaster and be my old self again.

One Excited and One Scared Man Riding a Roller Coaster - Royalty Free Clipart Picture
  The last couple weeks have been amazing for me. Why on earth would I be depressed?  I proved that a mountain biker CAN run, if she wants to.  I achieved a goal and won a highly coveted belt buckle this past weekend. So, why do I feel like sh*t ?  Why do I feel so sad and empty?  I should be happy, right?

I remember racing Burnin' in 2009.  This was my first 12 hr race.  I was totally surprised when I won.  I carried my buckle in my pocket during the day, and slipped it under my pillow at night.  I kept it polished and dust free.  I could look at it and smile so big my face hurt.   It was an incredible feeling being up on the podium. Truth be told, I have been chasing that feeling for the past two years.

  Usually, after a race, I am able to sit back and enjoy the warm fuzzy. Why is my chin scraping the ground?   I was thrilled to receive my buckle.  I had worked hard for it.   Why did the thoughts of " what's next " hit me on the drive home?  The dust on the trail had not even settled and I was already thinking of Burnin' 2012.

Have you ever felt this way ?  How do I get myself outta this?


  1. Post accomplishment let down. I've been there before. Not from winning anything, but from all the work up to an event and completing it. You focus on it for so long and then, poof, it's over. Winning has to give it an even bigger work up and let down. (don't know since I've never won anything on a bike).

    Way to go girl! Enjoy the accomplishment and enjoy life! I'm drinking a PBR right now in your honor.

  2. Thanks for your incite Ben. I think you are exactly right. I had been thinking about that race for 363 days. I was so excited to be at the start line, not so much at the finish. I wasn't ready for it to be over. Very bittersweet ending. Hope you enjoyed your PBR.