Well, That Fucking Sucks!

Last year it seemed that my body was plagued with issues right from the get go.  I started off January with some very painful tooth issues and went in to February full throttle with  15 kidney stones.  Antibiotics were a constant in my system those first three months, nauseous was my middle name. My body felt weak and my head was not in a good place.  Thankfully,  I was able to get myself together to have a descent April and May, only to fall apart in June.  Such is life.

The 2015 year has been off to a good start and I have not been to the hospital, dentist, or doctor yet. Yay!  It's been 4 months. While I have that going for me... I have a feeling that being a devoted Mom will get me this year and I am alright with that.  It seems my 9yr old daughter possesses gymnastic talent and I will miss Cedar Cross and she has a special run (Read, Right, and Run) scheduled for April 11th so I will miss the first day of Tour of Hermann Gravel.  I am not bitching, really I'm not in case it comes off that way.  I had race challenges last year also, attended a wedding and missed Cedar Cross. The good news is that a 2016 CC showing looks good, so far.

I have a lot of new goodness to bring to the table this year and am very stoked to get this party started and start representing.  My freaking wonderful husband of 16yrs bought me a '16 Salsa Warbird!!  New shoes! and a Garmin 305! I am truly starting out like a  spoiled brat and I like it.  New gear is awesome.  I also have a new team to rep this year... I am proud to wear the Extreme 'ladybug' Electrical kit, so get a good look at it if you are in Hermann on Sunday.  The jersey has some great sponsors on it, a blog with details and links is already in the works.

Weeeeellllll, enough about me.  Let's get to the 'meat' of this post.  Let's get to the, "well, that fucking sucks" part.  For the past several years I have watched my husband grimace in pain after trail build outings, a long bike ride, or just from reaching behind him.  I have heard him cry out and try and suck it up for so long it seems normal to me, and to him.  The photo below was taken at the  2014 Dirty Kanza 200.  He was on top of the world right?  Wrong.

Photo by Eric Benjamin The Adventure Monkey

Shortly after this photo was taken he bunny hopped something and tore his right bicep.  He immediately pulled the bike over and took this photo and posted to FaceBook.  

He wrote this: 

  

                                                                                               May 31, 2014 · 

 

                                                                                                

Didn't have that knot on top to start the race. One too many bunny hops. Cool this my shoulder don't hurt any longer. #ttmexpeditions

He made it to mile 50 and called it a day.  He became part of my pit crew and helped me achieve my goal.  I am very grateful for that.  I am also very grateful that he thought of me and my DK race and scheduled his surgery so he could still be my pit crew.  Yup, I said surgery, keep reading.

Jim changed his shirt

Jim went through the next few months behaving as usual, trail building, fat bike riding, kayaking and the like, he ignored the pain.   All of this was well and good until late February.  The pain became something 'different', and it wouldn't go away.  The smallest, tiniest of movements would be quite painful and he was always sore.  It was difficult to watch.  Hell, he couldn't lift his arm over his head.  After a trip to the best surgeon in the Midwest it was decided that rotator cuff surgery needed to be scheduled.  Surgery is April 13th, just a few days away.  I gave him the entire week and weekend to basically do whatever he wanted since he will be down for a minute. I am sure he will get in one last hurrah, hopefully side by side with me at Hermann.

Speaking of 'being down for a minute'.... Jim is a very smart man.  I overheard him tell my brother that he bought me the Warbird to insure I feed him, LOL  He is having his right cuff repaired and he is right handed.  This gave me the giggles until he mentioned other things that he does with his right hand... I am going to let your imagination run with that one.  He is definitely going to have to learn a couple left handed things. *wink  *smirk

Having been injured myself I understand some of the bullshit he is going to feel.  The actual physical pain is one thing to deal with.  Then there's the pain in watching everyone else ride their bikes, go on adventures, and do all the stuff you want to do, that is the tough part.  It sucks to watch others have fun when you can't, it's just that simple.  This poor guy has to live in the same house with me and watch me train for the DK.  He will be in a chair and I will be out riding.  That is also a mind-fuck for me.  How am I supposed to be enjoying myself and focusing on my goal when I know he is in considerable pain and not able to join me???  (That is another blog in itself)

Watching from the sidelines can deliver a healthy dose of mental pain.  I ended up in the ER on my very first ride,  I was out of commission for 4 months.  I watched my hubby bike through June, July, August, September, and October. There was so many times I wanted to shove that 'shit-eating' grin down his throat. I hated feeling like a vegetable because I couldn't do what I wanted and it sucked.  I remember my very first night home from that week long stay in the hospital quite vividly.   He made me get up and go for a walk around the block.  I hated him at the time for suggesting it.  I was in a ridiculous amount of pain, I was exhausted,  and there was a chance I might frighten small children with all my scratches and bruises. I was a sight.  He even insisted I put on my own shoes.   After I had time to process what that asshole did I realized it was for my own good. I was only a 'little broken', actually I was only as broken as I chose to be.   "Be happy with what you CAN do and do it". Just because I couldn't ride a bike didn't mean I couldn't walk.  It was a very poor substitute but it was better than doing nothing.

I am having trouble picking out my nurses outfit.  White or black?

As of right now we are accepting good vibes and superior mojo .  Prayers for a quick recovery are also welcome.

If you see me in Hermann say hello.

Happy Graveling,
Wendy