Spandex Hell

I went to the bike shop a while back.  Most days I love going to the bike shop.  This was NOT one of those days.  Walking in I see my friend Brad working behind the counter, immediately I felt at ease.  He was just the person for this task. Over the five years we have known one another we have had many great bike chats. Brad has taken great care of the hubby and I…especially at the last minute.  One year he redid my front brake cables while I waited in the shop, it was the day before leaving for the Dirty Kanza 200.  I told him I have an amazing opportunity, Sorry… I can’t tell you  yet, coming up and I need to represent in the womens PRO cut kit. The look on his face said it all.  He knew this was going to be a challenge.  He was going to have to fit a square in a circle. Impossible?!

As nicely as he could he explained the challenges I was facing.  In case you don’t know me…. I am not built for a PRO cut kit. I am not ever going to be described as long and lean.  I have curves and muscles.  I think I am built more like a rugby player or a small football player.  These are my observations:  I have wider shoulders than most women.  My arms are also larger.  In addition, I have more than an average amount of boobage  that needs to be contained. Add in a set of good sized legs,  true to my German heritage, and there is my recipe for disaster.  So now that you get the picture you can understand the situation poor Brad was in. 

Brad took the time to go through the racks of Womens apparel and patiently handed me jerseys to try on. There were no comparable bibs or shorts to try so I would need to go by the measuring tape, Fuck!  NOT the way I wanted to approach this but my only alternative.  My measurements don’t make any sense, at least not to me.  (Since I am worried about my thighs fitting I plan to include my measurement) I have to admit that I was really unhappy while trying these jerseys on.  In real life I wear smalls and mediums.  Having to try on size XL and L and then seeing how they fit was kind of humiliating, maybe not the correct word.  It has taken me years to shed my former FAT LIFE and this little shopping trip was bringing it all back. I know… calm down.  (This trip was supposed to be fun)

No offense fella...Not how I want to look

Brad also showed me the sizing manual for the Womens kits, however the sizing measurements are completely different from the Canari brand kit I would be ordering.  It was helpful to see the manual since I was unable to try any shorts/bibs. From start to finish Brad spent about 30 minutes with me.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciated that. 

Later that evening Jim came home and asked me how things went at the shop.  He found me in the closet starting to tear up.  I told him of the kit sizing and he just re-iterated what Brad said.  “You know honey…you are not built like MOST women”.  I know he was trying to be nice, but he should have stopped there.  He continued on saying, “you have arms and boobs and big legs…..”  I am aware, thanks Babe.  I have the same parts as everyone else just in different proportions.  Yea, I get it. I still don’t feel  much better as he hugs me. This sucks! Going through this for the second time today has me a bit emotional and I cry.  After several moments pass I stop and come to my senses. 

While this experience truly sucked I got through it. It was not really any different than going shopping for any other outfit to wear.  I am noticing I can no longer buy apparel at Target or Penneys.  Their clothing is not designed to fit my body.  What fits around the waist and hips will not fit around my legs.  Or it fits everywhere but the arms and chest. Be that as it may, I have become very secure with my body over the years. I like how things are shaping up, even as I am about to turn 45. I am constantly amazed what it allows me to accomplish.

  

I ended up settling on a size Large jersey.  The PRO cut stuff is pretty snug.   I could see my ribs.  Also any extra skin I have….. anywhere.  This kit is definitely going to make me more accountable this year.     I have an amazing opportunity, that I can’t tell you about yet, coming up and I need to represent in a Womens PRO cut kit.  Since the day I visited the bike shop I have been working my tail off in the gym Since the day of this trip I have been working my tail off in the gym.  I have incorporated even more cardio, more weights, and rowing.

I think I can make my square a circle in the next few months.  I believe.

F*ck You Kidney Stones

***Edited**

Pardon the title.  I am feeling a little jacked up from the pain meds.

This past Sunday was shaping up to be a very pretty day.  It's January and over 50 degrees in MO.  My daughter and I were planning on returning videos and taking a bike ride around the neighborhood. Around noon things went south, I took an Advil liqui-gel and hoped it would pass. Fuck!  The pain is  not stopping. Then it came to me..... I have felt this before. (First rodeo here)

I had made arrangements with a neighbor to watch Sydney and I would drive myself to Urgent Care, that was the plan anyway.  She needed to run to the store so I got myself ready to go.  I called Urgent Care and guess what?  They don't do kidney stones, they don't have to correct machines. Wonderful!  Guess I will have to go to the ER.  I didn't want my daughter to be frightened so I explained what was going on and showed her Kenny in the jar from last time.  She laughed and said "Ewww" and went of to read in her room.  I shut my door, put on my "special socks" and collapsed in absolute agony on my bed.

Within a matter of minutes I could feel myself absolutely falling apart.  The pain is excrusiating and you would do ANYTHING to make it stop. Everything is happening all at once. As the pain shoots throughout my body my eyes roll in the back of my head.  Fuck, I am going to throw up, I don't do that.  I stumbled running through the house to get to the back deck.  There was no way I was throwing up in the house, Jim can't clean it up so I would have had to.  The cold air felt good and bad at the same time.  I started taking off my clothes, I was sweating like it was 110 degrees.  I didn't want my neighbors to see me so I braced myself on the side of the house and climbed partially under the deck and puked in a hole. There was still some snow on the ground and it felt good to lay down in it.  I could not believe the pain, it's like you have no control to stop it.  Scary!  I started to cool down and stopped throwing up after about 5 minutes.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

When my neighbor returned she was kind enough to take me to the ER and take care of my girl and feed her dinner. I entered the ER feeling better instantly noticing they were not busy. When I told the nurse why I was here she said " I am so glad you are not a man, they are the biggest whiners".  She brought me to room #16 .  Shortly after my arrival I met Dr. Mark and Angela, my nurse.  She took my blood and forced a shot of morphine on me.  I tried to refuse it but she insisted saying that Dr Mark ordered it and she had to give it to me.  I really didn't want it but I took it.  ( I was on a morphine drip for 6 days once, didn't care for it)  Admittedly, I started to feel better. 

My hubby, who had been gravel riding, showed up about ten minutes later. I breathed a sigh of relief.  He has seen me like this before so he's not too worried.  I am just glad I was not on that ride with him, can you imagine?  After a scan or three, it was determined......   What I thought was just a tender groin muscle is a kidney stone. Awesome!

 The stone is ready to launch at any time.  Oh, lucky me.  Dr. Mark said I had so many stones the techs  said "screw it and just put multiple".   Multiple is not an answer.  Jim and I convinced the nurse to count those bastards.  It was incredibly weird for me to look at my insides and see "stuff" that is not supposed to be there.  She counted, and counted and, counted.   Final tally was 15!  Can you fucking believe that?  I am in awe. Seriously?  Apparently I am doing something that is growing them.  Great!  It turns out I also was gifted a UTI by this jagged bastard. Double whammy, glad I caught it early. Seven days of antibiotics, ugh.  Not looking forward to the Hydrocodone either.  It makes me feel funny, not in a ha ha type of way.

Today is day FOUR!  I have really had enough you little bastard.  I will be wearing my 'special socks' all day.  Get out of my body! NOW!!   Let's compare you to your brother Kenny.

Kenny!  He is small but has hooks 

**Edit
I hopped on my trainer for about 45 minutes this afternoon, I pedaled as hard and as fast as the pain allowed.  I hopped on my foam roller and tried to roll it out, no dice.

Kona and Kinetic duo

Later that evening I gave the kids baths and tucked them in. Very happy when 9:54pm rolled around and Kris popped out! I could feel it, probably would have felt it more if I was a dude though.  I took a shot of him next to Kenny, the black dot.  As you can see they do not look alike.

Closeup

Kenny and Kris

 I have an appt. on Thursday to find out why all this craziness is happening.  Fourteen to go!
I took the last of my antibiotics and finally got a celebratory beer Sat night.

Actually... I AM WORTHY this time!

Chamois Butt'r Three Reviews For The Blog Of One

It was a good day to be a girl! The nice folks at Chamois Buttr gave out FULL size tubes ( a $15.99 value) of Her Butt'r at the Dirty Kanza 200.  This venue was the perfect place to unveil their new product and and even better place for me to try it out.  I had not seen it or used it prior to this race.

 Just so you know... I have not been compensated, in any way, shape or form to give my opinion. The following are my opinions on three products made by Chamois Butt'r. I have used all three products for approximately six months to form my opinion.


Chamois Butt'r HER Butt'r

When I first started cycling there was a lot of grin and bear it and some screams from the shower. I thought it was just one of those things I would have to get used to.  I enjoyed riding my bike for longer periods of time however my vagina was hating it. The friction of saddle and shorts was at times unbearable, especially if my skin was already irritated.  Was I going to have to suck it up?  Not for long.....

I finally educated myself about creams and gels that would cure my problem.  I ended up trying all kinds of stuff. You know what I've found out?  Some body lubes were great, some not so great, some burned, others smelled funny, some were sticky/greasy, and many would not wash out of my chamois.  I wasn't trying to be picky but I am not just going to put anything down there. Neither should you.

Her Butt'r was designed by a female sports doctor and been tested on many female cyclists before coming to market.  The formula is Ph balanced and contains premium ingredients such as tea tree oil, shea butter, and lavendar oil to name a few.  I did not find it greasy or sticky and it washed out of my shorts completely.  It did not burn or smell funny, the scent is light and smells of lavendar.

The morning of the Dirty Kanza I slathered it on and passed it off to my pit crew.  At mile 100 I reapplied as a just in case measure since I had 100 plus to go.  I was on my bike for 19 hours and 30 minutes.  I did not feel any chafing during the ride but you never know the extent of the damage until you hit the shower.  There was no screaming.  There were no chafe marks. My experience with  Her Butt'r was a success. I will use this product again and recommend it to all female cyclists.  Fellas....  You could be a hero and buy her a tube.  Plus, you can use it too, even though it was made with the ladies in mind.

CB stock photo

Chamois Butt'r Sports Kit Wash

Cycling kits are expensive.  My goal is to keep my spandex around as long as I can.  You have to take proper care of it.  I would NEVER throw it in the dryer or use ordinary, fragrant filled detergents.  I tried Chamois Butt'rs kit wash for the first time after a mountain bike ride this summer.  First, I smelled it and was happy to notice it had a light, clean scent, almost citrusy. I poured two capfuls into about a gallon of water in the sink.  I let them soak for about ten minutes, overkill but you don't know my husband, he finds dirt. I squeezed the wash through the fabric, do not twist or rub.  After that all you do is rinse thoroughly, don't worry...the washing solution comes out quickly.  Hang dry or lay it flat. Easy peasy.

Since this wash does not require a lot of water you could easily pack it along for bike packing.  I took it camping and found it works well with swim suits and other technical clothing.  It's really priceless to wake up to a fresh smelling kit instead of praying it doesn't stink too bad or give you a nasty skin rash.



Chamois Butt'r Sports Wash

How many times have you had to get into your car and drive home covered with sweat, blood, and dirt? Or maybe you were covered in embro and what it might do to the seats?  Or maybe you just like to be clean while getting your podium shots?  Either way, you need this stuff.

I started using this sports wash in June of 2013.  I liked the bottle, complete with convenient sprayer for easy coverage.  I carry baby wipes and added this wash to my after ride clean-up.  The product smelled nice and applied easily.  My skin felt fresh and tingly.  I was really surprised at how it cut through the grit and grime I was covered in. I was also surprised my skin felt soft, not dry at all.   This wash has afforded me comfortable rides home, kept my car cleaner, and was great to take on camping/hiking trips.



All of the items above retail for $15.99.  I imagine each would last me about a year, give or take, which is a small price to pay to be comfortable, look good , and smell nice.  Wouldn't you agree?

Happy Winter Riding,
Sasha

BT EPIC 2013

       

Two Magnificent Konas headed to The BT Epic

The morning AFTER the BT Epic I woke up holding my stomach and trying to figure out where I was.  I was in the back of my car, swaddled in blankets and laying in a pool of sweat.  Within seconds of waking my husband peeks in the window and quickly hands me some coffee.  Hold on, wait a second.....It takes several seconds for me to piece it all together.  It was just a dream. Whew!  I told Jim of the dream I just woke up from.... I was in (our) Dr Williams office and he was telling me it was okay for me to ride pregnant. Wow! The BT Epic never disappoints.

Arriving early Friday evening never works for us.... We get there when we get there. Registration, as always, is a breeze.  I was checked in as number 193, handed some sweet socks and a lotto/schwag ticket for Saturday sfter the awards.  Browsing the tables there was a LOT of awesome gear to choose from.  Everything from Garmin 800's to bike pumps.  They were also giving away 10 bikes.  Crazy cool huh?

Weekend captured beautifully (photo J. Davis)

Jim had made our bed in the back of the Subie before we left home so we would have time to visit with friends.  It didn't take long for us to find a friendly roaring campfire.  After a couple beers and some great conversation, we searched and found the perfect place to park and sleep.

Morning always comes too quickly on race day.  I do not sleep well the night before big rides/races, however this morning I felt well rested.  Good thing 'cuz I was going to need it.  As I forced down a couple pancakes I though about my goal for the day.  I decided on "surviving with no blood loss".  I was confident I could pull that off.

Wearing my Harden the F*ck Up bracelet

As I positioned myself toward the middle/ back of the pack for this race/ride I was asked, "Did you do this last year", to which I replied "no, it's been two years for me".  That is when IT happened!  I started researching my mind.... when was the last time I rode at least 57 miles on my mountain bike? Hmmmm. This isn't what I had planned, not what I had envisioned when I was signed up.  Either way, my riding was consistent.  I was missing the LONG piece of it. Oh shit, what am I doing here?  Within minutes I was pedaling and there was no turning back.  The gravel climb, several miles, strings the 300 cyclists out a bit before we hit the singletrack.  My legs are awake now, I hope I picked the right gear.

The weather was a bit chilly, almost made me miss my extra fat layers.  Pedal faster to stay warm I kept repeating.  By the time I reached the singletrack I was more than warmed up, yet only to get cold again on the downhills.  (This was a constant battle all freaking day)   Despite the weather ups and downs, I felt comfortable with my pace and positive vibes of finishing were firmly placed in my head.  The Ozark and Berryman Trail's can be quite challenging if you lack skillz or have a shitty attitude.  Lucky for me I brought some newly acquired skillz and of course a superior attitude.  

My magnificent Kona Big Unit, geared at 32x20, was in perfect shape to handle the miles. I was sporting Specialized Ground Controls, tubeless, LOVE THEM. (blog review coming) Since my frame is equipped with only one bottle cage, I wore a small Camelbak with about 45oz in it on my back.  It's a lot easier for me to drink from a tube than worry about losing or dropping my fuel bottle,  this worked well. A mountain feed bag on my bars carried my bike tools and emergency bonking supplies.

Sweet singletrack (photo J.Davis)

I have to tell ya.... I felt amazing on the singletrack.  I haven't ridden here in two years and I remember walking a shitload of it.  This year not so much.  In fact, I rode damn near everything!  I rode a lot of technical stuff through folks who had hopped off to walk.  I rode that steep rooty shit and wasn't scared and even liked it.  Truth is.... I have been working on riding technical, rocky, rooty stuff this year.  What's awesome is seeing it pay off!!  And not being frightened makes it taste even sweeter.  My hubby rode behind me for a bit and gave me props, then he dropped my ass and beat me by 15 minutes, whatever.

I was happy to have landed among the "cool kids" in the race. We were all fighting for survival at the back of the pack.  I ran into this guy wearing a Maplewood jersey who says " don't you remember me Wendy"  It took me a minute but I remembered him from Syllamos revenge, that was a mutha. We spent the better part of that race hopping each other.  By the time we hit that grueling 6 mile climb and those slippery stairs we had gotten to know each other rather well.  Anyways, Buck it was nice riding with you, again.  There were about 20 women and 275 men registered, I did not see any women after mile 20.  The fellas I rode with were very nice and extremely supportive.  They did not have a problem if I wanted by and even let me take the downhills first.  That right there made my day.  Seriously, I bombed those downhills, hell, I even pedaled down, something I have only recently gained confidence in.  It has taken me five years to get here and I can tell ya I am hella proud to be here.  I took corners with speed and without brakes!  Can I get a HELLYEA!?!

Around mile 30 my body gave me the finger. It was revolting in the worst way. I felt I was going to burst, stuff coming out of both ends. Not good.  I kept pushing, it pushed back.  The one thing I hate to do more than anything is throw up, and here it was coming up my throat.  I could taste the bile rising as I continued to pedal. Oh Geez, what is worse, throwing up or shittting yourself?  STOP! my mind screamed.  My head started to spin... so I stopped.  My breathing was whacked, totally whacked out, I had sweat running down my face and I was cold.  WTF was going on?  Is this what it feels like to fall apart?  Am I bonking? Anxiety started to rise.  Can I get myself out of this?  I kept walking until those feelings passed and drank and nibbled on my Payday bar.  I was able to get back on only to have this feeling lay me out two more times before the finish.  I can only describe it as going to the "darkside".  To have everything hurt, your world is spinning, you are not be able to breathe, you feel either too hot or too cold, to be so uncomfortable all you want to do is vomit or shit yourself.... and all I have in my mind is to keep pedaling, forget the rest.  I was able to get myself together, only to come across this feeling two more times.  I hopped off the bike, drank and ate until I calmed down. Luckily, I did not toss my cookies.

Around mile 50 I went to a dark place, a very dark place. My nind was filled with black clouds, my thoughts were not very nice. To rub salt in the wound....  I could see the gravel road from the singletrack, it was like it was teasing me.  Soon I would be on gravel, that meant about 5 miles to go.  I like gravel, don't mind riding it one bit. HOWEVER, I prefer to be on my cross bike. Pedaling those last miles was excruciating.  Spin, spin, spin.  I was alone the entire ride back.  I took out my Ipod at this point, hoping it would cheer me up and get me to the finish quicker.  I heard there was beer there and I totally deserve one or two or several.


As I crossed the finish line Jim handed me a beer and gave me a hug.  I had survived, stayed upright, did not have any mechanicals, and lost no blood.  I call that a successful day!

Each participant was given a lotto ticket, very simply if your number is called you get to pick a prize.  I felt super lucky.  The first winner picked the Garmin 500.  The second winner picked the Kuat Rack.  The third winner was my husband.  He hooted and hollered his way up and chose the Garmin 800 with all the bells and whistles.  What a super prize!!! and I can't think of anyone elses who deserves it more than the Trail MOnster.

We went for a hike the next morning to stretch our legs and take in some amazing Fall views.  Thanks for knowing where all the cool places are babe.

Burnin' is Cancelled????

In case you haven't heard... the government is behaving like a BAG AF DICKS! I do NOT watch the news, too much negativity there.  In short, those assholes are shutting down outdoor fun and have furloughed campgrounds across the states.  As of Thursday, the campground at Council Bluff, where the beloved Burnin' At the Bluff race is held, has been shutdown!  When I was informed of this I felt sick to my stomach and immediately got pissed. Out of my mouth spewed " Fuck that!! I have worked too hard, I am going anyway".

I realize there is still a possibility this race could happen if this mess gets figured out by Thursday.  It will take 24 hours to re-open the campground.  Please throw all of your Positive Attitude and Superior State of Mind at this.  Anything IS possible. I believe it is smart to have a Plan B, so I have one.

AND do not let anyone stop you

In the event that does not happen.... I assure you that I will be riding at Council Bluff on Sat Oct 12th as planned.  The trail is NOT closed.  I have worked my ass off this year and am not going to let some uptight suit wearing bastards ruin my fun.  My goal this year is SEVEN laps on my Big Unit single speed, gear choice 32x20.  Buckle or no buckle I am going to accomplish this.

I just need to find some place to lay my broken body for that evening.  Who's with me???

Sasha