Thursday, January 23, 2014

F*ck You Kidney Stones


Pardon the title.  I am feeling a little jacked up from the pain meds.

This past Sunday was shaping up to be a very pretty day.  It's January and over 50 degrees in MO.  My daughter and I were planning on returning videos and taking a bike ride around the neighborhood. Around noon things went south, I took an Advil liqui-gel and hoped it would pass. Fuck!  The pain is  not stopping. Then it came to me..... I have felt this before. (First rodeo here)

I had made arrangements with a neighbor to watch Sydney and I would drive myself to Urgent Care, that was the plan anyway.  She needed to run to the store so I got myself ready to go.  I called Urgent Care and guess what?  They don't do kidney stones, they don't have to correct machines. Wonderful!  Guess I will have to go to the ER.  I didn't want my daughter to be frightened so I explained what was going on and showed her Kenny in the jar from last time.  She laughed and said "Ewww" and went of to read in her room.  I shut my door, put on my "special socks" and collapsed in absolute agony on my bed.

Within a matter of minutes I could feel myself absolutely falling apart.  The pain is excrusiating and you would do ANYTHING to make it stop. Everything is happening all at once. As the pain shoots throughout my body my eyes roll in the back of my head.  Fuck, I am going to throw up, I don't do that.  I stumbled running through the house to get to the back deck.  There was no way I was throwing up in the house, Jim can't clean it up so I would have had to.  The cold air felt good and bad at the same time.  I started taking off my clothes, I was sweating like it was 110 degrees.  I didn't want my neighbors to see me so I braced myself on the side of the house and climbed partially under the deck and puked in a hole. There was still some snow on the ground and it felt good to lay down in it.  I could not believe the pain, it's like you have no control to stop it.  Scary!  I started to cool down and stopped throwing up after about 5 minutes.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

When my neighbor returned she was kind enough to take me to the ER and take care of my girl and feed her dinner. I entered the ER feeling better instantly noticing they were not busy. When I told the nurse why I was here she said " I am so glad you are not a man, they are the biggest whiners".  She brought me to room #16 .  Shortly after my arrival I met Dr. Mark and Angela, my nurse.  She took my blood and forced a shot of morphine on me.  I tried to refuse it but she insisted saying that Dr Mark ordered it and she had to give it to me.  I really didn't want it but I took it.  ( I was on a morphine drip for 6 days once, didn't care for it)  Admittedly, I started to feel better. 

My hubby, who had been gravel riding, showed up about ten minutes later. I breathed a sigh of relief.  He has seen me like this before so he's not too worried.  I am just glad I was not on that ride with him, can you imagine?  After a scan or three, it was determined......   What I thought was just a tender groin muscle is a kidney stone. Awesome!

 The stone is ready to launch at any time.  Oh, lucky me.  Dr. Mark said I had so many stones the techs  said "screw it and just put multiple".   Multiple is not an answer.  Jim and I convinced the nurse to count those bastards.  It was incredibly weird for me to look at my insides and see "stuff" that is not supposed to be there.  She counted, and counted and, counted.   Final tally was 15!  Can you fucking believe that?  I am in awe. Seriously?  Apparently I am doing something that is growing them.  Great!  It turns out I also was gifted a UTI by this jagged bastard. Double whammy, glad I caught it early. Seven days of antibiotics, ugh.  Not looking forward to the Hydrocodone either.  It makes me feel funny, not in a ha ha type of way.

Today is day FOUR!  I have really had enough you little bastard.  I will be wearing my 'special socks' all day.  Get out of my body! NOW!!   Let's compare you to your brother Kenny.

Kenny!  He is small but has hooks 

I hopped on my trainer for about 45 minutes this afternoon, I pedaled as hard and as fast as the pain allowed.  I hopped on my foam roller and tried to roll it out, no dice.

Kona and Kinetic duo

Later that evening I gave the kids baths and tucked them in. Very happy when 9:54pm rolled around and Kris popped out! I could feel it, probably would have felt it more if I was a dude though.  I took a shot of him next to Kenny, the black dot.  As you can see they do not look alike.

Kenny and Kris
 I have an appt. on Thursday to find out why all this craziness is happening.  Fourteen to go!
I took the last of my antibiotics and finally got a celebratory beer Sat night.

Actually... I AM WORTHY this time!

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