Thursday, November 17, 2011

The State of Positivity

Let's face it, big or small, injuries suck.  Injuries that result in hospital visits and are followed up with rehab, tend to suck more.  However, if no bills are incurred, you may have to pay a "mental price".  I lose my confidence for a couple of miles, but I am always able to get it back.  I believe what keeps me moving is a combination of past mistakes and the fact that my mind does not care if my body gets hurt.

Up until a week ago, I had a relatively injury-free 2011.  Since January 1st, I have had several minor boo boo's, poison ivy, and that cataract thing, but nothing as epic as in the years prior. The following is an account of what I did when I injured the same ankle in 1999.  The Dr. had told me I would never run again.  I was destroyed.  Running was  "my thing".  I felt like my life had just ended.  I spent years in an antidepressant haze.  No one, not even the expensive psychiatrist, could grasp the depth of my loss.  The pain was unbearable.  I took up residence on my couch and waited for surgery.  I gave up.  I started to find comfort in food, lots of food. I chose to quit.  I was miserable for six years.  Understandably, injuries scare me.

  I could not repeat that cycle. I approached this injury differently. From the moment I felt my ankle snap, I remained positive.  I refused to accept I would be down for long.  I was not going to let this defeat me.  I had thrown in the towel eleven years ago.  I had no passion.  I had no fight. This time I was "coming out swinging".  There is no way I was going to give up my life again. I allowed myself a short  "pity party" and then put my focus elsewhere for a moment.  It's highly possible, I was slowed down in order to gain
some clarity about where my life is going.

  I followed the Dr. 's orders, more or less. The swelling has gone down and there is no pain while I ride.  Running is going to take more time.  I am okay with that as long as I can still bike.  I wish I had been introduced to the bike in 2000 after my surgery.  However, I wouldn't be the person I am today if that had happened.  After I hit send I am hopping on my bike.

4 comments:

  1. Superior Attitude and Superior State of Mind works wonders!

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  2. Bummer on the injury but good +++vibes+++ being sent your way for healing!

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  3. Love your attitude!! Keep it up!

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  4. I thought(for about 2 seconds) that I would be timid after my crash at BTE. I had time to see it coming, time to think and I was told it would be months before I could do anything. I going to PT and do my home excersises very intently. Back on the bike(shhhhhh, not supposed to be), several rides at Queeny, two laps at Matson, lots of easy pace trail building and a good ride at LV today. PT says she is amazed at my progress, she said either I have a high tolerance to pain or I'm healing abnormally well. She said, "you must have been in pretty good shape when this happened..." Not 100% but I'm not going to veg out either.

    Stay strong, MashOr

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